lunacies et al

dilemma. i am so bothered with what i feel towards Luck. as if each day makes me fall for him more. each stolen glance makes my heart leap a mile. every single moment spent with him makes me feel warm all throughout.

i am such a hypocrite. i know for a fact that he doesn’t like me (but only as a friend), and he won’t like me. i am just not his type. but my thoughts and my dreams are so full of hope and desperation that he, indeed, feels something towards me, too. i dream of happy times together and whatnot.

no assumptions, definitely. it would only make my heart ache more. it’s good that i am finally letting go of all feelings towards ex, only to be repleced by those i have for luck. such a confusing state of self.

i always said that whoever should love me accept me - for who i am, how i act and how i look. no matter how vulgar i am, how fat i become, then he should accept me for being me. but in my desperate attempt to make him notice me, i find myself cutting on all binges - cigarettes, alcohol and food. i’ve also been making extra effort to look nice.

it’s been a difficult week. i am already having troubles concealing my intentions. in the end i know i’m gonna be hurt again. this feeling of slowly falling for someone is something i haven’t felt in a very long time. i am slowly slipping into my own doom.

all i know is that i feel good whenever i am with him- all because he makes me feel accepted and appreciated.

i am really needing professional help. i’m beginning to be a crazy hypocrite.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 21st, 2007 at 9:42 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.