lunacies et al

since the later half of june i haven’t had any communication with jv…he told me he’s going to change his mobile service provider, i even taunted him about changing numbers without letting me know…when i can’t reach him through his old number i thought that maybe he indeed changed numbers and that he just didn’t have the damn to let me know about it.

i thought maybe he just wanted me out of his life…

so much has happened since the day i lost contact with jv…while i’ve been spending much of my time with other people, jv would always be popping in and out of my thoughts. i just can’t get him out of my mind. maybe i wanted closure…maybe i wanted to see him again…maybe i simply missed him…

i asked my friend mike to search for him, after all they both belong to the philippine air force. true enough, though risky, mike was able to access information about jv for me…at first he was transfered to batangas, a "very dangerous combat area," as mike puts it…a couple of weeks later i was told that jv is part of the philippine mission to liberia…

i couldnt control my tears, they just kept on falling the moment i learned about jv’s fate…so many questions linger on my mind. no matter how much i think about it, i just can’t understand why jv kept those details from me…

i would have understood…after all we were friends. he knew of my feelings for him, but we kept the friendship.

then again, maybe i wouldn’t understand…reality bites…

i can feel this void, as though everything just lost their sense…i can’t even feel my own existence, numbed by the pain and disbelief that all these are happening to me…

i am missing jv…terribly…